Five Other Dignified Career Moves Chad Ochocinco Considered, and Rejected, Before Joining Buzz Aldrin on Dancing With the Stars

1. Travel the country’s finest gas stations and car washes, singing the hit romantical ballad On the Wings of Love.

2. Hold Fonzworth Bentley‘s umbrella.

3. Assistant manager at Topeka TGI Friday’s.

4. Sensitivity trainer for John Mayer’s racist crotch.

5. Join James Franco on the cast of General Hospital.